Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
