she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
