There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
