Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
