Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The adults are the big ones right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
