i just wanna soil my oats bro
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Randomize
