Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
