Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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