In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
