its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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