then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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