After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
