Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
