I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
