if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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