I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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