i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
