Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
