He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
