I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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