did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
