Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
