The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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