matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
