Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
