You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
