Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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