You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
