ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
