she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
