drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
