you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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