Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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