Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
