The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
