Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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