i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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