Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
