I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's the barista slut.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
