im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I smell like Dick and happiness
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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