i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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