dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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