I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize