Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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