Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Randomize