Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
a search helicopter?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
