So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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