1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
