His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
