My hand turned me down
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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