Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
