Where is the hickey?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
