everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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