the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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