i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
