before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bring money and cleavage
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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