i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize