i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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