And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
