dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize