Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
