I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My liver just had a heart attack.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize