I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize