Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
