i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize