Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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