So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
