Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
