he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
