Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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