Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
