throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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