no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
