Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
