once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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