I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
