i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My ATM looks so different sober.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
