I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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