just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
